:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
