masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
