sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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