9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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