dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boobs are out for the taking
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
