He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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