Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
