i barfeds in our rink
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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