I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
