I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
