If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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