My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
