He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How does one acquire holy water?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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