well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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