belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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