shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
