he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
