we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
