Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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