If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize