he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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