No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
