used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
