Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
