I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
