dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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