How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i think im in europe. pls send help
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
