Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
