i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
