and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
