So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
