Swine flu. Run for my life!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
