Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
