I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
