your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
