i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize