and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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