The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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