it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
