good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
