I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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