Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
