i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
