I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
