You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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