Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
