I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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