I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
