Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
