The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
