I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
