He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize