he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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