ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
