See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
