3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
