so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
