Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
