Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
