I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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