Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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