You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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