we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
