Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am naked and annoyed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
