I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
