Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my liver is dry heaving
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
