Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize