Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Shame - the story of my life.
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