I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
