u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
