You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
