New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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