Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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