i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
